Obsession is often seen as a negative feeling, but there can be a healthy obsession as much as there’s a negative one.
Obsession, if channeled in the right way turns out healthy, but when it’s channeled wrongly, you can’t help but go wrong with it.
In relationships, you can be deeply in love with your partner and you want to do everything for them.
This feeling can also be described as obsession; they are always at the forefront of your thoughts and you can’t help falling in love with them every day. A good partner can provoke this deep feeling.
However, when you let this feeling make you very jealous, controlling, and too clingy, your obsession becomes unhealthy.
In this article, I’ll help you understand why you’re so obsessed with your partner, whether negatively or positively.
12 Reasons Why You Are So Obsessed with Your Partner
There are different reasons why one can be very obsessed with their partner.
If you share a very deep emotional connection with them, they provide constant support and a sense of security, and there’s enough intimacy, you can develop very deep feelings for them.
On the flip side, if you’ve suffered a past trauma, you suffer a form of disorder, fear, or insecurities, you can also become obsessively in love with someone.
Below are 12 reasons why you’re so obsessed with your partner:
- You share a deep emotional connection
- They provide constant support
- They provide a sense of security
- There’s too much intimacy
- Past trauma
- Reactive Attachment Disorder
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- There are no boundaries in the Relationship
- Fear
- Insecurity
- You’re in the relationship for the wrong reasons
- Having unnecessary expectations
You Share Deep Emotional Connection
Sharing a deep emotional bond with your partner is one of the ways to connect with them.
Being able to reach your partner without saying much creates a beautiful connection that can lead to obsession with them.
This bond is a beautiful aspect of a relationship that can strengthen the love between partners.
Also, being patient to understand each other’s feelings is what creates a strong emotional connection.
If you’ve got a partner that understands your feelings; they know when you’re sad, they can tell when you’re hiding your emotions, and connect with you on different emotional levels, it can make you very obsessed with them.
You’ll know when you’re deeply into them, when you always want to be with them, sharing silence and everything; and when you’re completely vulnerable with them.
They Provide Constant Support
Having a partner that provides constant support can lead you to become deeply attached to them.
Support is one of the things people look for in a relationship, and having a partner who provides all forms of support: emotional, financial, and the rest, is great.
It’s not everyone who can count on their partner to be there for them in every aspect.
Some may have lovers who only provide material support but are not there emotionally. Some may have partners who are always encouraging with words but will never go out of their way to do things for them.
So, if you have someone who you can count on completely, it can lead you to develop a deep attachment for them. And if you’re not careful with this one, it can lead to unhealthy obsession.
They Provide a Sense of Security
If your partner provides a sense of security, then it’s likely the reason you’re obsessed with them.
Feeling safe with one’s partner is a beautiful thing everyone in a relationship would like to experience.
It’s beautiful when you fully trust your partner and can lay your guard down with them. It shows that you’ve reached a very deep level with them. Moreover, it creates a satisfactory atmosphere that strengthens the bond you share.
Also, a partner that provides a sense of security can make you want to go far with them and do more for them.
So, if you notice you’re becoming more into your partner, then it’s likely because you feel very safe with them.
There’s Too Much Intimacy
The level of intimacy between partners can also affect how they feel for each other.
If you share close intimacy with your partner it can lead you to become obsessed with them.
Physical closeness with your partner is a great way to build intimacy. But, when it becomes excess it can lead to unhealthy obsession.
You know when there’s too much intimacy when you notice that you hardly give each other space and you’re completely dependent on them.
So, while it’s good to build a good level of intimacy, a little too much can push one to obsession.
Past Trauma
Trauma is one of the things that can lead one to become obsessed with someone.
If you’ve suffered one kind of trauma or the other in the past, it can affect your relationship with people. According to MedicalNewToday, trauma is one of the causes of Obsessive Love Disorder.
Trauma can come in different forms. It could be an experience you had while growing up with your parents and it could be some frightening event you experienced outside home. Also, it could be something you had in a past relationship.
Any of these can make you develop an unhealthy love with your partner. Maybe growing up you saw how badly your parents treated each other, including getting physically violent.
This event can make you develop an abnormal attachment with your lover. You’re likely to live in fear, which can make you question any action they take.
Also, if you experienced trauma in your past relationship, it can affect how you relate with your new partner. This traumatic event can make you become obsessively jealous and controlling.
Reactive Attachment Disorder
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is another condition that can lead to obsession.
RAD is a condition that affects children, especially ones who experience emotional neglect and trauma at an early age.
If you suffer from RAD and you grow with it without seeking treatment, it can lead you to become very obsessed with your partner.
Sadly, many children who have this condition are not given adequate attention. Some parents or guardians might notice this condition and ignore it, hoping the child outgrows it.
RAD in adults leads to many unhealthy behaviors, including obsession.
So, if you notice you’re too obsessed with your partner, you’re likely suffering from RAD. Seeking treatment will help.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is another mental condition that makes one obsessed over someone.
It’s a condition that affects how one feels about themselves and others, leading to impulsiveness and intense emotions.
If you suffer from BPD, you’ll always have the fear of abandonment, which can make you get obsessively attached to someone.
Being in a relationship and having this kind of feeling is unhealthy. If you always feel that your partner will abandon you anytime soon, it can lead you to become extremely jealous, manipulative, and controlling.
You’ll always question what they do, you recognize only your feelings, and you’ll always want things to go your way because any other way will seem like they want to flee from you.
So, if you notice any of these behaviors in you, it might be that you are suffering from BPD, and just like RAD, seeking treatment is the right step to take.
There Are No Boundaries in the Relationship
Setting boundaries in relationships is important. Being in a relationship without boundaries can make a lot of things go wrong without anyone planning it.
And one of the things it can lead to is an unhealthy obsession with one partner.
If you’re in a relationship without boundaries, there’s a high chance that you’ll do things that your partner is uncomfortable with.
For instance, your partner doesn’t like too much calling and they don’t say it, if you’re the type that likes to hear from them all the time, you can come out as obsessive to them.
Also, not setting boundaries can lead you to do things without thinking about the consequences, something that might make you rethink if your partner has shared their discomfort with it.
For instance, because you two never spoke about how you should visit each other, this neglect can make you begin to pay them a surprise visit all the time.
Another example is when they tell you their phone password, it can make you check their phone all the time until you become obsessed.
So, setting boundaries can help prevent many of these things.
Fear
Fear is one of the biggest causes of obsession.
Many of these causes of obsession first lead to fear before they cause obsession. For instance, RAD, BPD, and trauma.
Nursing fear in a relationship can lead to an unhealthy attachment to your lover. You might nurse fear of the unknown, fear of them cheating, fear of them leaving you, fear of them not doing what you expect of them, etc.
These fears can make you want to be in charge of them, it puts a belief in you that makes you think that controlling your partner will prevent your fears from manifesting.
As I’ve previously established, past trauma can cause fear that you take into a relationship. Maybe you once had a partner who was a chronic cheater, you can take this fear into your new relationship.
This fear then makes you do things you feel will prevent your partner from cheating.
So, if you’re so obsessed with your partner, check to see what fear you might be suffering from.
Insecurity
A feeling of Insecurity is another thing that leads to an obsession with someone. If you’re struggling with insecurity, there’s a high chance of projecting such feelings into your relationship.
First, insecurity in a relationship is a feeling of doubt about your relationship. When you constantly doubt yourself and when you feel you’re not good enough for your partner, you’re suffering from insecurity.
A lot of things can lead to insecurity, including past experiences, current experiences, certain disorders, social pressure, etc.
If you’re experiencing insecurity, it’ll be difficult to have a healthy relationship. Your insecurity can affect how you see your partner and make you behave obsessively with them.
For instance, because you think you’re not good enough for your partner, you can become very jealous when you see them with another person and begin to question their intentions and actions.
So, your feeling of insecurity is one of the reasons you’re so obsessed with your partner. Work on it and be set free.
You’re in the Relationship for the Wrong Reason
There are many reasons people go into a relationship, and being in a relationship for the wrong reasons can lead to obsession.
If you go into a relationship because you’re looking for validation, you’re likely going to end up obsessed with your partner.
People who go into relationships because others are in one, or because they want to feel good about themselves, will look for the wrong things in a relationship.
And because they’re in for the wrong reasons, they’re likely going to channel all their energy into trying to make things go their way, and this is when obsession sets in.
These kinds of people will act controlling and manipulative, even without knowing it. They’re likely going to make efforts in all the wrong ways to make their relationship work.
So, if you think you’re obsessed with your partner, think back on why you started the relationship in the first place. This step can help in dealing with your obsession.
Having Unnecessary Expectations
When you get into a relationship having unnecessary expectations from your partner, you’re likely going to end up with an obsessive character.
First, getting into a relationship needs readiness and maturity. Understanding what it means to be in a relationship will limit one placing too much pressure on their partner.
Having expectations is not bad in itself, but when you think your partner ought to meet all your expectations, that’s where you get it wrong.
In addition, people can have unnecessary expectations that don’t match their reality. This behavior likely stems from comparing their relationship to what they see in the movies or with others around.
When you begin to have these unrealistic expectations you’re likely going to develop an obsession over your partner.
Finally
While being deeply in love with your partner isn’t a bad thing, channeling these feelings the wrong way can lead to an unhealthy obsession.
First, your partner ticking all the right boxes can get you obsessed with them in the right way. However, one has to be careful not to teeter into the unhealthy line.
And if you’ve suffered trauma, if you’re struggling with RAD, BPD, fear, and insecurity, you should seek help for a healthy and better relationship.
