Being human, we are bound to want someone who could be our ride or die, a person who will be there to defend us when we can’t do so ourselves, a person who will be our support system because the truth is, it’s not everything we’ll be able to do ourselves.
This is the reason why we have partners and it would be wrong if your partner does not possess this quality, perhaps they did but not anymore.
When you begin to realize that your partner does not have your back, there are practical steps that I recommend that you take to properly address the situation, an emotional outburst or breakdown is not the solution.
If you take these 10 steps, I am certain that you definitely handled the situation rationally and you will certainly come to a resolution.
These are the 10 practical steps that you should take anytime you notice that your partner does not or no longer have your back
- Communicate how you feel respectfully to them.
- Address underlying issues, that could be the cause of that behavior from your partner.
- Seek the help of a therapist if you are finding it hard to communicate effectively with them.
- Don’t try to retaliate, it will only make things worse.
- Try to spend more time together to build your bond again.
- Brainstorm ways to solve the problem together.
- Avoid pushing all the blame on your partner, be willing to accept your share of the blame and be willing to improve.
- Don’t be tempted to compare them with someone else, instead focus solely on how to resolve the problem.
- Personally evaluate your relationship with the person.
- Reset or set your boundaries with your partner.
Communicate how you feel respectfully to them.
If you feel like your partner does not have your back, one of the first steps to take is to communicate to them about it and to do so, respectfully.
Every problem in life requires it to be communicated before solutions can be recommended and that is why it is required of you to take this step.
When you see that your partner no longer supports you then you have to have a discussion with them about it, point out instances and ask for reasons why they could react that way.
By doing this, you are giving them the room to be genuine with you, it is not right for you to be combative with your approach, remember that the goal is not to fight with your partner, but to find the solution to the problem.
If you take the approach of being respectful and cordial, you stand a better chance of getting to the root of the matter rather than getting emotional and dragging the problem on, for too long.
Address underlying issues, that could be the cause of that behavior from your partner.
Perhaps the reason why your partner does not have your back is due to a previous issue that you have not yet addressed.
Forgiveness is a great virtue to have when in a relationship with someone but it is not always easy.
It could be that your partner still abhors pain or hurt from the past and that’s why he or she is no longer supportive.
This makes it essential that you address issues that have not been resolved and make adjustments to things that would not make such occurrences happen again.
If you are someone who cares about your partner and wants to be with them, you have to address issues that they haven’t completely gotten over so they can be the supportive partner that they were once, before.
Seek the help of a therapist if you are finding it hard to communicate effectively with them
You have tried every possible way to communicate with your partner, you have asked all the questions as to why they are not being supportive of you, and all to avail, then you are going to need to seek professional help which is fine.
The work of a therapist is to create a safe space where we can properly articulate what’s in our minds without any judgment.
Your partner might have problems communicating with you about why they can’t support you in a certain area, but introducing a third party could help them relay the message.
So, if you are wondering what step to take if your partner does not have your back, seeking the help of a professional would be a good step to take.
Don’t try to retaliate, it will only make things worse.
When a person hurts you, especially if that person is your partner, it’s only natural to want to retaliate or take revenge which is not a wise decision to make.
If you are considering what step to take when your partner no longer supports you, not taking the step of retaliation or revenge is a good step.
It’s only going to make things worse if you feel like you would no longer support them as well just because they didn’t.
If your goal is to keep the relationship thriving, you should find ways to communicate that and also teach them ways that they can be of help to you.
Adding more fire to a burning bush will not quench the fire of the bush but only make things blow up on your face, and might burn you up. What’s better is that you are patient and talk things out like an adult.
Try to spend more time together to build your bond again.
Sometimes when your partner doesn’t support you, it shows that you are losing the bond that you once shared.
No one is going to not protect someone that they love or care about. What you must do in that case, is that you have to rebuild the love, start and build a new story together.
It’s like taking a few steps back to the time you initially met and building a stronger bond and friendship that your partner can feel so strongly about to support and protect it.
Spend more time with them, be intentional about being authentic and genuine, this would make your partner feel like he is being treated important enough and you are worthy of his support.
No matter how hard it is to rebuild a relationship, if you know that it’s worth it, you’re not going to regret that decision. This is a step to take when your partner is no longer showing signs that they support you.
Brainstorm ways to solve the problem together.
Every relationship’s problem is peculiar and is different from the other. You should not think that since you are the one feeling the lack of support, your partner might not be feeling the same way too.
It could be that your partner struggles to communicate reasons why they can not be of support to you in a certain thing, or they feel just as unsupported as you. This is why you should allow them to proffer remedies too.
You don’t have to nag about what only you want, how you want it done, and why they need to make you happy.
Come up with ways to solve the problem that wouldn’t sound selfish and one-sided. I believe that even though they don’t support you, you are meant to proffer solutions that actively involve both of you putting in the work.
Avoid pushing all the blame on your partner, be willing to accept your share of the blame, and be willing to improve
Whether you agree with me or not, your partner might not support you anymore because of things that you did to them.
It could be the issue of broken trust, you not fully investing yourself into the relationship, or unrealistic expectations that you want met.
I know that it’s hurtful when your partner doesn’t seem to support you but you have to be willing to admit or open your heart to the fact that you can be the one at fault for it or partly to be blamed.
The case might be that your partner is dealing with a previous traumatic event caused by you or someone else that makes him or her not able to actively support other people.
You have to truly understand that there are other reasons that your partner isn’t supportive of you other than, that he or she doesn’t love you anymore.
If there have been issues of infidelity or a troubled upbringing, you should try to attack the problem from that angle and see what you could have done that might have triggered such memories which made them no longer have your back.
Don’t be tempted to compare them with someone else, instead focus solely on how to resolve the problem.
Comparing your partner to someone else or your relationship to someone else’s is one of the ways that we magnify the shortcomings of our partner and it causes us to be overly sensitive about little issues.
Your partner might not be aware that they could have supported you more in a certain situation, or he or she is completely oblivious of how you like to be supported, which makes it difficult for you to stop comparing them to someone else.
If your main goal is to let your partner know how you like to be supported and protected by them. If you keep comparing them to someone else, you are certainly breaking their confidence, making them doubt if they are actually enough for you.
Taking a step of not comparing them, is one that would definitely be a good step to take.
Personally evaluate your relationship with the person
The relationship itself should be cross-examined. This would be a good step to take when you have tried every other recommended step and yet, there is no positive result.
This is when you begin to take note of other signs that could be a pointer to the fact that the person might not be interested in the relationship anymore.
Do you think the relationship has become one-sided? Are you the only one putting in the work?
You have to evaluate your relationship, whether it is one that is worth fighting for or it has become toxic.
If you can get honest answers, you will be able to fully understand what your relationship is like and if it needs to be worked upon or given up on.
Reset or set your boundaries with your partner.
I decided to save the best for the last. A step to take when your partner does not have your back is to set some healthy boundaries with your partner and allow them to do the same. Boundaries help people articulate the scope at which they want to be treated and how they can be treated with respect.
Perhaps you have already set some boundaries before, when you notice that your partner no longer has your back, you can re-establish them to show them what is acceptable and unacceptable to you.
Last words…
Some cases could be that your partner might not be aware that they are failing at being supportive in certain areas, which is why it is important to communicate it to them respectfully.
You don’t have to be rude, the aim is to express yourself and to have them change or at least improve.
Now that you are aware of things to do when your partner does not seem as supportive as before, it would be easier to take those steps.
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