“How do I know my spouse is in love with someone else?” is among the common questions we get from readers via mail.
In certain cases, the signs are obvious, especially when he starts being secretive all of a sudden. In other situations, you might not notice until you start paying attention to small changes in behavior.
Generally, If a married man loves another woman, he can do sneaky things to keep her around and keep her hidden from his wife. If he’s making a secret life with her, it shows he probably loves her.
In this article, I have extensively discussed 10 areas you can focus on to truly verify if a married man is in love with someone else.
10 Things Married Men Do When They Are In Love With Someone Else
Many people would say in forums that once you start having the guts feeling, that’s enough sign to be sure he’s falling out of love with you.
But that’s not entirely true because there’s a fine line between this gut feeling and insecurity.
So before you consider cutting the cords or making quick assumptions, here are some behavioral changes you can observe to confirm if truly he’s falling in love with someone else.
1. He becomes emotionally distant from you
When a married man falls in love with someone else, one of the common behavioral changes is that he becomes emotionally distant from his spouse.
Has he suddenly stopped sharing his feelings, and thoughts? Does he now spend as much time with her as he used to? Look into these areas.
- His attention and emotions will be focused on the new person, so he has less to give to his spouse.
- He might also feel guilty or confused about his new feelings, which makes it hard for him to connect with his wife.
- It’s not always something he does on purpose, but it shows that his heart and mind are now somewhere else, causing him to pull away.
The good thing about this sign is that it can be very obvious. It will openly seem like he’s not as close or loving as he used to be.
2. He keeps his chat and calls more privately
When a married man falls in love with someone else, he can start hiding his chats and calls.
He might feel guilty or scared about what would happen if you knew. To avoid getting caught, he would hide his phone, delete messages, or take calls where you can’t hear.
“Catching someone is now as easy as picking up a phone or logging on to an iCloud account,” says Tom Martin, a top private investigator, a former federal agent, and author of the book Seeing Life through Private Eyes.
3. He starts comparing you with another woman
Another sure thing a married man in love with someone else would do is start noticing and talking about differences between their spouse and the other person.
He does this because he starts seeing the other woman as special or better in some ways.
Because of this, he may feel less happy with you and point out differences between them.
When he begins to say things like, “Why don’t you dress like her?” and it becomes too often, then you have your sign.
It’s a way he shows that his attention and feelings are shifting away from you. This behavior is a sign that he has strong feelings for the other woman and is emotionally involved with her.
4. He changes his daily habits to spend more time with the other person.
Love makes people want to be around the person they care about. So, he might adjust his schedule, start new activities, or find excuses to be where the other person is.
When a married man falls in love with someone else, he can change his daily routine to spend more time with that person.
This happens because he wants to be closer to them and enjoy their company.
“Doing secretive things that relate with infidelity can trigger a release of dopamine that encourages the adoption of new habits,” says Eldin Hasa, neuroscientist and host of the Human Experiment podcast.
These changes show that he is prioritizing this new relationship. It means he values spending time with the new person, sometimes even more than his usual commitments.
5. He feels bad or easily annoyed, especially when discussing his marriage
Does it now feel sad or easily annoyed, especially when he talks about his marriage?
That’s another sign.
Talking about his marriage might remind him of promises he made to his spouse, which can make him feel uncomfortable or defensive.
Sometimes, he can even try to avoid talking about his marriage altogether to avoid dealing with these difficult emotions.
This behavior shows that his feelings are changing from his spouse to someone new, which can make him sensitive or impatient when people bring up his marriage.
6. He’s away from home more often, maybe claiming to work late or see friends
He could say he’s working late or hanging out with friends to cover up the fact that he’s spending time with the person he loves.
This is one of the most obvious changes in his behavior. A married man is truly in love with his wife and only his wife won’t want to spend an extra minute outside his home.
But when the excuse of “staying late at work” or “hanging out with the boys” becomes frequent, you have valid reasons to start suspecting.
7. He skips important dates and gives unexpected gifts or shows more affection
It is sometimes innocent (but not great) for a married man to forget important days like the kid’s birthday and even the wedding anniversary. We’ve heard funny stories.
But when he forgets these dates, coupled with other signs that arouse your suspicion, then it’s a sign that he’s disconnected from the marriage and he’s possibly in love with someone else.
When your mind is on something, you will hardly forget the milestone dates associated with that thing.
So if your husband has been showing signs of missing important dates of your marriage, and then guilt-buying your gifts out of the blue, there’s a reason to bat an eyebrow.
The gift buying can be a way of him feeling guilt or trying to shadow his real feelings towards the other person that he thinks you know nothing about.
8. He compliments the person beyond casual.
When compliments start flying whenever they see the person, you have a valid reason to suspect that he’s in love with the other person.
Sure, a compliment to others here and there wouldn’t mean anything.
But when it becomes more personalized, frequent, and in a way that makes you say, “My husband would only have said such a compliment in that way to me,” then he’s probably in love with the person now.
If married men start turning on their charm around a person, then it can only mean that they want the person to smile, to find them lovely, to rizz them because they are in love.
So you can watch out for this action too.
9. He avoids physical intimacy with you
When the heart and mind are focused on the new person, it can suddenly become difficult for him to feel connected intimately with you as his spouse.
So, you may begin to experience less lovemaking.
10. He gets defensive or says it’s not true if asked about their feelings for someone else.
If after observing all these changes you confront him, his reaction can further tell if he’s in love with someone else.
If he gets defensive or says it’s not true if asked about their feelings for someone else, then that’s probably another sign.
Saying it’s not true or getting defensive is a way to protect his marriage and avoid facing the truth about his emotions for someone else
What Causes Married Men To Start Loving Someone Else?
The reality of life is that it’s unpredictable and anything can happen.
However, one of the major reasons why married men might start loving someone else is when they feel emotionally disconnected from their spouse.
This could happen due to communication issues, lack of intimacy, or unmet emotional needs.
Sometimes, they might be attracted to someone who gives them attention or makes them feel valued in ways they aren’t getting at home.
Sadly, this is more common.
There’s even research that revealed that infidelity is the leading cause of breakups in many cultures around the world.
What Should You Do If You Think Your Husband Is In Love With Someone Else?
If your spouse is in love with someone else, saving your marriage isn’t the first thing you have to think about because there’s an underlying problem. So if you save your marriage this time, what’s not to think it will happen again?
Here are three key steps that can help, even if your spouse seems uninterested.
- Don’t see your spouse’s lover as competition: It’s natural to feel threatened, but thinking this way pushes your spouse further away. Instead, focus on reducing behaviors that push them away (like criticism or neglect) and strengthen what draws them closer to you.
- This intense “love” often fades: This infatuation, called limerence, typically lasts between 3 to 48 months. It’s intense but temporary, not the lasting love your marriage likely had.
- You really can’t control their feelings or speed up the process. Trying to convince them won’t work and may backfire. Focus on improving yourself and the relationship, rather than competing with their feelings.
What other signs do you think one can look out for to know if a married man is in love with someone else? You can comment below.
