If you’re at a point in your relationship where you’re unsure whether to stay or go, it’s time to take a step back and think carefully before making any rash decisions.
That’s why we’ve put together a detailed list of important things you should try before breaking up, especially if you’ve put a lot of time and effort into it.
Don’t rush this decision. Consider these 10 steps first.
10 Things to Try Before Giving Up on Your Relationship
You may have read or heard from people that you should try to spice things up. But it’s easier said than done.
Before you give up on the relationship, try these things:
1. Reflect on why you fell in love with the person
If you both have become a bit complacent, think about what made you fall in love in the first place.
Most people will tell you to talk to your partner about the issue first. But let’s be real-that’s probably already happened if you’re doubting the relationship’s survival.
Here’s the thing, the “spark” in a relationship inevitably fades a bit. It’s normal and will affect how you approach everything else in this guide.
When times are tough, remind yourself why you fell for them in the first place.
So the first thing you should do amidst the confusion is to ask yourself, What do you like about each other?
What do you appreciate and respect? What fun things did you use to do together? Why did you choose this person as your partner?
Answers to these questions can set the right mindset to try these other things.
2. What’s the real issue? (This helps you figure out if things can get better)
Take a deep breath and analyze your relationship as a whole. What are the tensions that are leading to you considering ending the relationship?
Temporary problems might include:
- Traveling a lot for work
- Doing long-distance
- Not being in the mood for lovemaking
- Unequal housework
- Money problems
- Having a baby
- Getting engaged, or even fighting with family.
It may not feel temporary but life is in stages that can be short or long. So experiencing any of the above shouldn’t have to bring the relationship down to the ground.
New stages can bring new challenges to your relationship, which you might be able to handle or not.
The key is to recognize what you’re dealing with. What’s been happening with you two lately? Is your relationship mostly negative or positive? Can you control any of it? What patterns and habits are you seeing in each other?
Once you understand the roots of your disconnection, you’ll be better prepared to decide if things can improve.
3. How much commitment are you willing to make to get things right back?
Some people say love is fifty-fifty, but let’s be real—that’s just not how it works. What’s important is that you both want to contribute fully. If you ever feel like, “Whatever, I don’t care,” that’s a big warning sign.
Focus on your actions and thoughts because that’s what you can control. Clean up your side first and think about what you can do to improve the relationship as a whole.
Sometimes, the balance might shift to 30/70 or 40/60, and that’s totally okay.
4. Consider your future with and without your partner
A great way to figure out if giving up on love is the right choice is to imagine your future.
Picture what your life would be like if you stayed with your partner, and then think about what it would be like without them.
When you imagine life without your partner, you might feel sad, scared, regretful, or even angry at first.
But try to set those tough emotions aside and focus on the other aspects.
5. Consider therapy
I recommend talking to a good couples counselor if both of you are open and honest about your feelings. Don’t give up on a strong, loving relationship.
Remember, love is a choice, not just a feeling. It’s something you build together. What you might be looking for could be more like infatuation.
If one or both of you feel insecure or anxious, it might help to take some time apart. It’s also important to work with a professional to navigate your feelings in a safe space. You might find that the relationship has reached its end, and that’s okay too.
I have spoken to many divorced couples who tell me that if they had the chance to do the above-mentioned with their last most stable relationship that ended, they might still be with that person.
6. Try adventure
True, lasting love isn’t just about feelings. You can bring it back by trying new things together, planning adventures, and putting in the effort like you’re dating again.
Sometimes, spending a little time apart—like a short vacation—can help you remember what you miss about each other.
Consider going on a couples retreat or setting up weekly date nights to relax and reconnect.
Showing each other that you’re important can strengthen your bond and smoothen things out.
7. Let it go…
Forgiveness. That may be all it takes for things to look as they were again. At the end of the day, you’re on the same team.
It’s normal to feel hurt, frustrated, or rejected if you think your partner is not fully committed to the relationship.
When you disagree, instead of doubting their feelings, focus on your reactions.
Instead of shutting down, try to stay strong and find ways to improve your relationship and get back on track. And it starts from a place of forgiveness.
8. Have a difficult conversation, there won’t be a better time
When couples ignore issues, resentment can grow. So before you call it quits on that relationship, be open and not hide negative feelings.
The conversation may be a difficult one to have, especially when you have had several ones in the past and it didn’t go well. But there’s a difference this time.
You’re talking with your partner with a mindset to fix things. Not just to complain.
9. Check if you both are still best friends
Even if someone annoys you or makes you angry, you still care about their well-being.
If you care, there’s hope for the relationship. It’s when you stop caring and don’t speak up that you know the relationship might not be worth saving.
Take time to sit down, this time as friends, to talk about any issues respectfully. If your partner is truly a lifelong friend, don’t take them for granted.
Sadly, many people today are quick to give up on relationships, just like they do with old technology.
This leads to a lack of value and appreciation for what they have.
10. Consider recreating the first date
The idea of looking for things to do before saying “it’s over” is to see ways you can rekindle the fire of that union.
A good place to start is also remembering each other’s good times from the beginning of your relationship. Plan to recreate the first date to reestablish that connection and turn that spark into a flame again.
When To Give Up on a Relationship?
So, we’ve talked about ways to save the relationship. But what if there’s no improvement or hope in sight? You might wonder when it’s finally time to give up on love.
Honestly, when you and your partner have tried everything, but you’re just making each other unhappy, and you want them to be happy but can’t provide that, it’s a clear sign it’s time to move on separately.
Here are the general signs:
- You’ve both stopped trying.
- There’s no emotional or physical connection anymore.
- You have different life goals.
- You no longer trust each other.
- You can’t picture a future together.
- There’s constant conflict or abuse.
It doesn’t end here because just seeing one sign isn’t necessarily an indicator that the relationship can’t survive.
This is why I wrote a separate guide to show you the 25 powerful signs it’s time to break up and move on.
The Bottom Line
The fact that you’re looking for ways to fix things before breaking up shows that you really want the relationship to work.
Breaking up can happen for lots of reasons: maybe you two just don’t talk anymore, maybe someone started withdrawing or it’s compatibility issues.
But quitting too soon might ruin your chances of finding lasting love. So before you decide to end it, try fixing the problems and bringing back the love.
Now, if it’s a marriage and there are kids involved, you should really try hard to make it work.
Divorce is tough on kids and can mess them up emotionally, physically, and financially for the rest of their lives.
Hope this helps!
