So your partner cheated and you’re considering getting back with them. But here lies the problem- you’re confused, you’re worried, you don’t know if it’s the right decision.
You’ve probably told yourself that you’ll never tolerate a cheater. But, here you are at a crossroads on whether you should get back with them or not.
Well, whether you choose to go back with them or not depends on you. No one needs to convince you, not even the partners themselves.
But there are certain things you should know before getting back to a cheater. While you might’ve thought things out yourself, you need another voice to tell you certain things, which you might be in denial about.
Fortunately, in this article, I’ll be treating 11 things you should know before getting back with a cheater. Stay with me.
11 Important Things You Should Know Before Getting Back with a Cheater
There are certain things you need to know and consider before getting back with a cheater. First, you should know that things will never really be the same and that it was never about you.
Also, check if what you feel for them is love or just lust, be ready to genuinely forgive them, and know that you’ll never really forget what happened.
Finally, consider setting new boundaries, know that things can still work out fine, and most importantly know when it’s over.
Here are 11 things you should know before getting back to a cheater:
- Things will not be the same
- Do you truly love them or is it lust?
- It was never about you
- Do you feel pity for them?
- There might be a lack of trust
- Be ready to genuinely forgive
- You’ll never really forget what they did
- Do not be in a hurry
- Consider setting new boundaries
- Know when it’s over
- Things can still work out fine
Things Will Not Be the Same
The first thing you should know before getting back together with a cheater is that things will not be the same anymore.
While this fact isn’t a shocker, you still need to hear it, in case you think you might be able to get things back to how they were.
Sometimes, most people live in the delusion that their love is enough to get things back as they were before. And trying so hard is eventually what breaks them.
But, when you understand that you’re no longer that couple that you used to be, that no one can completely forget what happened, it becomes easier to start afresh and navigate the new relationship.
Therefore, before taking back your cheating partner, you must understand that the relationship won’t be exactly as it was before.
Do You Truly Love Them or Is It Lust?
Another thing you should know before getting back to a cheater is whether you truly love them or not.
Some people in relationships never define their feelings for their partner. While this might seem safe for them, it’s not the same for everyone, especially if you both are looking to “forever” together.
So, while it’s easy to confuse lust for love, there’s still a big difference between them. And if you’re ready, you can tell these feelings apart.
Therefore, before getting back to your cheating partner, check what it’s that draws you to them.
Is it lust? Do you think you can’t do without getting intimate with them? When you think about them, is it just the thought of sleeping with them that comes to mind?
Or do you truly love them? Is it the moment you share that draws you? Is it their laughter that makes you happy? What is it? You need to find out first.
It Was Never About You
Another thing you should know before getting back together with a cheater is that it was never about you.
You should understand that they alone are responsible for their actions and it has nothing to do with you.
Some people blame themselves when things go wrong in their relationship. When their partner cheats, they feel it’s because they weren’t giving them enough time or they did something wrong.
To make it worse, their partner convinces them that it’s their fault, and these people get back into the relationship trying to do things they feel will make their partners not return to their old ways.
If you are like these people, now is the time to think highly of yourself. It was never about you. If they felt you were doing things wrongly, they could have spoken to you or ended the relationship, but rather they chose to cheat.
So, it’s on them not you. Get the mindset right.
Do You Feel Pity for Them?
Another thing you should know before getting back to a cheating partner is whether you feel pity for them or not.
Apart from knowing if what you feel for them is love or lust, you need to also consider whether you’re going back to them because you sympathize with them.
Some people make this mistake. Your partner cheats and returns to you all sorry and repentant, and because you can’t bear to see them in that state, you decide to take them back.
While this action doesn’t change whether they’re truly repentant or not, and it doesn’t mean they’ll cheat again, it’s still a very big risk because you’re not mentally prepared for the relationship.
If you get together with somebody out of pity, you’re doing yourself more harm, because you might end up forcing yourself to love them or always continue to tolerate their excesses.
There Might Be a Lack of Trust
As I’ve earlier established, things will not exactly be the same with someone who once cheated on you.
And one of the things that’ll change is trust. Getting back to someone who once betrayed your trust means you might no longer trust them completely anymore.
And while it’s easy to convince yourself that you’ve truly forgiven them and believe their words that it’d never happen again, there’s still that small part of you that won’t trust them completely.
However, what makes the difference with people who get back together and succeed is that they can trust themselves and their partner for a second chance, they are able to give them the benefit of the doubt.
So, check if you can do the same thing. Notwithstanding, have it at the back of your mind that you might end up with serious trust issues.
Be Ready to Genuinely Forgive
If you’re ready to accept someone who deeply hurt you back into your life, then be prepared to genuinely forgive them.
It’s not enough to say you’ve forgiven them and you’re ready to get back together, you need to be able to completely forgive them.
It’s one thing to say it and it’s one thing to live it. While it’s impossible to forget what they did, complete forgiveness, however, is achievable.
So, before getting back to that cheater, make sure you’re no longer holding anything against them and you can live with them.
Moreover, it’ll be difficult for anything to work out if you keep reminding them of their mistakes or keep making references to them during a misunderstanding or conversation.
Not only does it show that you haven’t forgiven them, but it also shows that you’re not ready to start afresh with them.
You’ll Never Really Forget What They Did
Another truth you should know before getting back together with a cheater is that you’ll never really forget what they did.
Yes, it’s possible to forgive their betrayal and it’s easy to let the past be in the past, but the fact is that you won’t forget.
The difference between someone who genuinely forgives and someone who doesn’t is that they don’t always allow the past to control their future. They fight to not allow their partner’s betrayal to get the best of them.
Therefore, have it at the back of your mind that you’ll still remember that they slept with someone else. In moments of weakness, you might even dwell on it and it might affect the way you act.
So, while you can sincerely forgive them, forgetting is not a choice. But, you still have the choice of keeping the past where it belongs.
Do Not Be in a Hurry
While you’re eager to get back to your partner who cheated, remember to take your time.
You might feel you still love them and the feelings are still strong, but you must take your time. Sit back and think about whether you can continue with them for a long time, think about your true feelings.
Take enough breaks and see if you really care as much about them as you believe. Think well to make sure you’re not making a mistake.
Also, remember to place yourself first. You’re more important at this point. Don’t get into anything you’re not convinced about.
Consider Setting New Boundaries
If you’ll be getting back to a cheater, consider setting new boundaries.
First, setting boundaries is important in relationships to help maintain mutual respect.
However, if that line has been crossed, consider setting new boundaries if you’ll be getting back together. You don’t have to do away with the old ones, but you can add new ones to ensure that a repeat doesn’t happen.
While setting new boundaries doesn’t guarantee their fidelity, it at least gives you both a feeling of starting fresh and lets your partner know your self-worth.
Also, it can help guide their conduct and prevent circumstances that can lead to questions about their sincerity.
Know When It’s Over
Before getting back to a cheater, have you considered that you might be forcing things? Have you thought that you’re probably pulling at straws and building castles in the air?
Knowing when it’s really over can prevent a lot of “had I knowns” in the future. Some things that happen now are to save you from bigger problems in the future.
And if your partner cheats on you, it might just be a sign that you need to go your separate ways.
So, check back. Have you been seeing the signs and ignoring them? Have they always disrespected you? Do they keep to the boundaries you set? Have you tolerated a lot?
If the answer to most of these questions is yes, then their cheating truly broke the camel’s back, and it’s time to dust your feet and leave. You deserve more.
Things Can Still Work Out Fine
Another thing you should know before going back to a cheater is that things can still work out fine.
People make mistakes, and that your partner cheated doesn’t mean they’ll keep on cheating or that they never loved you.
So, if you hear them out and understand them, but you’re still thinking about it, you should know that things can still work out.
You just need to be ready to put in the work- put the past in the past and be ready to start afresh.
Takeaway
It’s a bold step to return to a partner who cheated. But, there are certain things you should know before taking that bold step. And that is what this article dealt with.
Remember that things will not always remain the same, you’ll never really forget, and that things can still work out fine.
However, know when it’s over. It’s also a bold step to walk away. Whatever decision you take is valid.
