So, you’ve been friends with this person for a while and the bond keeps getting stronger. You might even have met each other’s families and friends, which means you don’t have to sweat the “meet my parents” talk.
A new study has shown that 68% of adults had been in a relationship where they were friends before becoming couples which means that it’s a great thing to start a relationship with friendship.
But be prepared for some surprises when you take it to the next level.
After interviewing some netizens who’ve been through this and reading from experts, we came up with 10 important things to think about before turning your friendship into a relationship.
10 Things You Should Consider Before Dating a Friend
“Dating a friend can be risky,” says Maria Sullivan, dating expert and VP of Dating.com, “You might break up and lose a good friend, or it could even mess up your whole friend group if you all hang out together.”
However, this awful experience can be prevented if you consider certain things before committing.
1. Not all good friends make a good romantic partner
Being friends and being in a romantic relationship are two different things. In a romantic relationship, you need to:
- Communicate clearly
- Make decisions together
- Make compromises
- Deal with physical intimacy
- Understand each other’s love languages
- Stay committed.
It may even surprise you to discover that you’re not compatible in these ways. But you’ll never know until you begin to look into these areas. This is not to discourage what you feel towards your friend.
But the idea is that just because you’re best friends with someone and people keep saying you’d be a great couple doesn’t mean it will be easy to turn that friendship into a romance.
2. Both of you have to be ready for it
What’s the essence of it when you’re the only one feeling like you should take things to the whole level?
Before dating a friend, think about whether he or she might feel the same way. You’d be surprised how many people miss this, but it’s super important to think about before dating a friend.
There are some signs you can look out for to know if your friend also wants more than friendship. For example:
- Do they flirt and compliment you in a couple-kinda-way?
- Do they avoid talking about other girls (or boys)?
- Is there a change in body language such as eye contact, leaning in, physical touch, etc?
Usually, people aren’t great at hiding their feelings, so you’ll probably know if they have caught feelings.
Second, if one of you just got out of a tough breakup, it might take time to heal. They could be looking for something casual right now. Also, think about whether you’ll both stick around or if someone plans to move soon.
These factors matter because they affect your readiness for a relationship. If either of you isn’t ready, it’s best to hold off on dating.
3. Be sure of the green light
Friends often tease and flirt a little, especially as you spend more time together, but that doesn’t mean there’s romantic interest.
I have friends who say things to me that I could have easily interpreted as them hitting on me if I didn’t know better.
So don’t let your crush cloud your judgment about every little gesture.
Liking someone can be tricky, so take your time and look for clear signs that they might feel the same way before moving forward.
I know many friends who have explained how painful it was to mistake a smile or playful comment for deep feelings, only to find out they’re the only ones feeling that way.
4. What happens to the group? (if there’s one)
If you and your friend share a friend group, It may take time for your friends to get used to the idea of you two dating.
It’s best to keep your relationship private at first. And even when they become aware, things can get awkward when there’s a fight and each of them takes sides.
“Think about them as your cheerleaders,” says Logan Ury, Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science and author of How to Not Die Alone, “rather than your “coach” or “advisor.”
5. Look at their past relationship. It’s likely how they’ll treat yours
Pay attention to how your friend has handled their past relationships.
Were they respectful and caring? Did they show effort and love? How did they talk about their partners to you and others? When those relationships ended, did they blame their exes for everything?
A big mistake people make when dating someone new is to bring all of their fears, concerns, and past negative relationship experiences to their current relationship,
says Carmelia Ray, dating expert and chief dating adviser of WooYou App.
These insights can help you decide if dating them would be a positive experience or if it’s better to stay friends.
While people can change, looking at how your friend treated their exes gives you a good idea of how they might treat you.
6. Be sure that you’re not doing this out of desperation
Sometimes, people think about dating a friend because they’re feeling lonely or even a bit desperate.
According to Dr. Lynn Saladino the owner of Dr. Lynn Psychology PLLC, “For some, this may be a need for a sense of safety or companionship. For others, it may be social recognition and acceptance.”
When there aren’t any other options around, they figure that since they spend a lot of time together, why not see if a more serious relationship could work out?
It could be that you’re not even desperate, but you’ve recently broken up with someone and are feeling a bit lonely.
So you may be thinking, “We hang out all the time and share everything, so how big of a change could it be to become more physical?”
This is the wrong foundation to start a relationship off from. Because once you satisfy that need, it may be hard to see other reasons why you should be in a relationship with that friend.
So be sure you’re not settling and it’s based on a real connection.
7. You can first improve on flirting to test the waters
It can be hard to tell if you both have feelings for each other when you’re already playful and sweet together.
You don’t have to start with anything too obvious. The key is to take your time with flirting and pay attention to whether they respond positively and if they’re just flirting with you, not everyone else.
8. If you’re going to do this, don’t do it sitting on the fence
It’s completely normal to feel a bit unsure if you both care about your friendship and don’t want to ruin it. However, constantly worrying about your friendship with every step you take in your relationship isn’t healthy.
“Inability or unwillingness to be vulnerable in important relationships,” says Dr. Daniel B. Block, MD, Psychiatrist, “creates a limit on how much those relationships can evolve and deepen.”
Yes, dating a friend comes with risks, and depending on how things go, you might not stay friends.
But if you keep focusing on all the potential problems, it might be a sign to think twice about moving forward.
If you’re both genuinely interested, there’s more to lose by not trying than by taking the chance.
9. Be prepared for that awkwardness at first…in many things
When you both first start out, a lot of things will be awkward, especially when it comes to physical intimacy and intercourse. At least., at first.
If both people are open to working on this aspect, they may find it easier to move into a romantic relationship.
10. Think about what could happen if it doesn’t work out
Starting a new relationship is exciting, but you have to consider the “what ifs,” especially since you’re friends.
Not everyone can smoothly transition back to friendship after a breakup, and it can complicate things. If things go south, you might need time apart to heal, which could change your friendship for a while.
If you do end up breaking up, hanging out with other friends can help make the situation feel more normal and less awkward.
Pros and Cons of Dating Your Friend
Let’s now look at the bright side and downside of dating a friend so you can be better prepared for what you’re going into.
The Pros:
- You know each other’s good and bad sides: Dating someone new can be difficult as you observe their quirks and hope they like yours. When you date a friend, you already know and like each other’s qualities. You might learn new things about each other romantically, but overall, you’re familiar with one another.
- You already care a lot about each other: Starting a relationship with someone you already care about as a friend feels right. You want the best for each other and can support one another in experiencing love, happiness, and success.
- You feel comfortable together: Building trust and comfort takes time in a new relationship. Dating a friend means you already have a base of trust and comfort, making your relationship feel more natural from the start.
The Cons:
- You can’t vent to your partner about your partner: When you date a friend, you lose that friendship comfort. You can’t complain to them about their habits anymore, or it might feel like you’re picking a fight instead of just venting.
- Dating can shake up your friend group: If you and your partner have mutual friends, things might get awkward. Friends could worry about group dynamics if you break up, and some might even pick sides during fights.
- You risk losing a friendship if things go south: That’s why many friends stay in the friend zone. There’s a real fear that if you date and things go wrong, you might lose an important friendship. Moving from friends to partners is easy, but going back is a whole different story.
Wrapping Up
Dating a friend changes things and is unpredictable.
If you can meet the ten points in this article, it might lead to something special and be worth the risk of true love. However, if it fails, it’s unlikely you’ll remain friends.
So, consider everything carefully before deciding.
