Have you ever looked at your partner and wondered if they truly love you or if they’re there just for the loot?
Likely they did something that had you questioning their motive. This is not new, and you’re not alone in feeling this way.
Way more people than we want to admit have experienced folks we call golddiggers.
Who Is A Golddigger?
A gold digger in the context of a relationship is someone who’s in the relationship solely for the financial or material benefits.
They don’t love you, and never will. For some of them, gold digging is a vocation.
Usually, gold diggers are the sweetest people to be with. The motive is difficult to detect in the beginning of the relationship because they come packaged as your perfect match.
They tick almost all your boxes. You tell yourself, ‘this is my destination.’
Well, not all that glitters is gold as they say. And before long, the layers begin to peel back. If you’re the observant type, you start to see the true motive behind all the sweetness.
Your bank account is the target. And anyone can be a golddigger, man or woman.
Making things lighthearted, this article presents 30 hilarious ways people have found out their partners are gold diggers. Read on.
30 People Shared Hilarious Ways They Found Out Their Partners Were Gold Diggers
1. She “accidentally” ordered a diamond-encrusted toaster online
This one is from the US where Kyle found out his date, Eva ordered a diamond encrusted toaster she found on eBay. Of course, she claimed it was a mistake, an accident.
She was scrolling through eBay when she found the item. Now this was after Eva had ordered numerous other expensive stuff that Kyle thought were outrageous.
Kyle was a data analyst with a prosperous firm in New York. He met Eva at a Christmas party.
She was a secretary in a different firm, a red haired girl with the manner of a country girl. It shocked Kyle that Eva couldn’t take her eyes off his back account.
2. Her love language is “buy me something shiny.”
Ace forex trader Alejandro from Brazil said one time he was at an expensive restaurant with his girlfriend of a week. Before that night he had begun telling himself he had hit gold.
Serena was a rare brunette with brown eyes and a smile that melted your heart. She cooked, cleaned and loved indoors.
Alejandro decided they’d date for a month and he’d propose right away. He has found a wife.
Then it started happening. Serena actually loved jewelry like a baby loved his cradle. And she wanted them without delay even though Alejandro wanted to take it slow before they get to spending thousands of dollars on stuff.
On their last night, she told him, “buy me something shiny before we can get married.” Alejandro thought that was odd.
3. He has a “treat yourself” fund—for her money.
This was Shawali, a guy from Nepal. And Riza was the one telling us about him. Riza and Shawali met in their first year in college.
They liked each other instantly, or so Riza thought.
Now, Riza’s family was rich. She had a car and lived off campus. Shawali quickly moved in with her when she saw how packed she was in her bank account.
Before long, he had begun to live on Riza, upgrading his own wardrobe.
When it ended three months later, Riza said Shawali thought of her own money as a “treat yourself” fund. In a text, Shawali said, “But you have more than enough for both of us.”
4. Her idea of a romantic getaway is a shopping spree in Paris.
In the case of Bob, her girlfriend was a chronic shopper but only with his boyfriend’s money. And they have only been dating for a month.
Carla’s thirst for Bob’s money was hilarious because once she stepped foot in Paris for the first time, things turned really weird.
Paris was her fetish and she wanted to shop there, nowhere else. Bob let her go to avoid wrecking him financially.
5. He “forgets” his wallet—every time.
This hilarious one is from Russia. Nona’s family owns several clubs in the city of Moscow, so naturally, she didn’t “need a man’s money”, as girls would say it. Enter Piotr. He and Nona met through a dating app.
She said Piotr didn’t look like the type of guy who would be a golddigger. When on their very first date he said he forgot his wallet, Nona believed him.
She cleared the bill. But then this happened two more times which got Nona considering the possibility that Piotr may have come to dig for gold—because what were the odds that he would forget his wallet even on movie nights?
6. Her favorite hobby is “window shopping”—with his credit card.
Now what do you say about a girl who loves window shopping but with a guy’s credit card? Peter says his girlfriend Fanny literally asked for his credit card on her way out.
He asked Fanny if she wanted to buy stuff but she said, nope, just wanted to window shop. It was a new and confusing concept for Peter.
He asked to go with her to which she agreed. Fanny almost maxed out his card. Then another time they were out, she made it known she didn’t want to get anything, just window shopping.
But then she jumped into a clothes store, and tried to max out Peter’s card again. Peter broke up with her the next day after an argument. He has had enough.
7. He has a Ph.D. in “finding ways to spend your money.”
When Martha met Alex, he said he was many things which included a lecturer at a university. He said he had a PhD in physiology.
Martha thought he was funny and cute so they started seeing each other.
When Alex suggested he move in with her because her place was bigger, she didn’t think anything of it. Then the digging began.
He’d take her money without permission. He even asked to be a signatory to her bank account, since they were in this for marriage.
Oddly, he had an empty bank account himself. It didn’t take long for Martha to discover Alex was a gold digger whose only PhD was the one he had in taking money from girls.
8. Her love for him is directly proportional to his bank balance.
It was a hilarious experience for Shane when he discovered that Lola’s love was like a thermometer—she loved him for as long as his bank account swelled and the tap ran.
Shane was a real estate guy in Chicago. When things got to a head, Lola told him if he couldn’t spend on him, it was over.
9. She “needs” a new designer handbag—every week.
In an unbelievable turn of events, Nicholas was shocked and amazed when his girlfriend suggested that a guy should actually get his girl a new designer bag every week.
Nicholas laughed it off at first but it soon dawned on him that Liza was serious about her demand. She shut herself in the bathroom once and cried about this.
She insisted that if Nicholas loved her, he would get her a new designer bag for that week. He had gotten two bags in two weeks already.
10. His favorite phrase was “you deserve it”… said while holding her wallet.
In another twist, the gold digging was done by a guy named Rusty. And this news is from Australia, the wild animal country. Rusty was a wild one too.
He’d make Alice, an airline hostess, buy him stuff by manipulating her into believing it was good for the relationship.
“You’re doing this for us,” or something along those lines. How is spending her money on yourself a good thing for the relationship?
11. She has a secret talent for calculating the cost of everything.
You’d think this is a good thing, right. When a gold digger is involved, the motive is what gives them off.
At first, Curtis thought he’d hit the girlfriend jackpot when Queen would take her time to calculate stuff when she’s paying. And it was always when they were spending little.
But when Curtis is paying, this frugal calculating vanishes. And she always made sure he spent a lot. And he was spending a lot.
12. Her dream date is always a trip to the mall—at your expense.
Camille loved dream dates. She always came up with elaborate plans for them, and the best restaurants.
By best, we mean the most expensive. At first, Dean didn’t see what was wrong with that. He had money too, so, you know.
But then you only need so many expensive dates before your bank account starts to show it.
Soon, Camille started wanting dates at the mall. That is, she was literally calling Dean up to meet her at the mall.
13. She “accidentally” maxed out his credit card—again.
Leo had to call it quits when this happened: June maxed out his credit card again. “But you can get more money.
You need to take care of me,” June whined when Leo complained. Then she moaned, “It happened accidentally.”
Leo could remember this excuse from many other times when she had taken his credit card out. Accidentally?
14. Her favorite gift is cash—or anything convertible to cash.
This gold digging motto was uttered by Vickie to McCoy on their first date. The couple met on tinder.
McCoy liked that Vickie was a college graduate, and though she wasn’t working at the time, there were prospects.
They lived in different cities in the US. McCoy decided to drive two hours to her and they met at an expensive restaurant she chose.
When he asked what kind of man Vickie really liked, she said, “he must not be stingy. I love gifts.” She said her favorite is cash. That was their first and last date.
15. She has a “financial emergency”… every time he says no to buying something.
Kim was a clever gold digger. And it took Derrick a minute to catch her at her game.
Kim always wanted to buy something, scrolling through online shops endlessly, gawking and screaming at stuff she couldn’t afford.
In the beginning Derrick thought, what the hell, she can have anything she wants. But as time went on, he started feeling like this was all he was good for: a cash cow. So he pulled back.
But Kim had her ways. She’ll claim financial emergencies then go ahead to get what she originally wanted with the money.
16. She started calling him “ATM” instead of “honey”.
Harvey stumbled on a private Whatsapp conversation where he was the subject, and his girlfriend and her friend called him ATM. Girlfriend’s name is Cora.
This friend asked about Cora’s “honey”. Cora typed lol, laughed and said no, he’s just my ATM.
This revelation broke Harvey, but he was able to laugh about it months later.
17. Her favorite romantic gesture is upgrading your credit card.
Hunter asked Tiffany what her favorite romantic act would be and she said, “To upgrade your credit card.”
This was on their second date. The first one went well and Hunter thought this might be it. Tiffany picked out the next restaurant, an expensive one in the heart of New York.
She kept making conversation about Hunter’s finances. Hunter asked her why she wanted his credit card upgraded. She said because she’ll be spending a lot of it.
18. She has a “wish list” that’s just a catalog of luxury brands.
In this example, it was a list that exposed Shannon as a gold digger. An actual, two page list of demands that was present to Mason, the way Congress presents a budget.
And it was done on their third date. Mason asked if she was serious and she looked stunned, as though this was a normal thing to do on a third date.
“You want me to get you all these?” Mason asked. She said, “As a matter of fact, this is a revised list.”
At the top of the paper Shannon has written “Wish List.”
19. He “forgets” to pay his share of the rent—every month.
Beth began to think she might have a gold digging boyfriend after three months that he had forgotten to pay his half of the rent. Yeah, some partners do this, share the rent, that is.
So Beth and Vincent were in a relationship that’s been on for six months. Housing costs in Canada tripled and Beth moved in with her boyfriend.
Since then, Vincent stopped buying food, and paying rent but upgraded his gaming console and stopped working. When confronted about failure to pay rent, he said: “I forgot.”
20. Her idea of a “surprise” is a new designer handbag on her doorstep.
You see, some people have fetishes or kinks. For Georgette, it was receiving a surprise gift at her doorstep. Arthur has no problem with doing surprises.
The problem was Georgette wanted the surprise gift to be a designer bag, and she wanted it delivered every month end.
Arthur howled in laughter when she said this. They’re just friends now.
21. She has a Ph.D. in “making him feel guilty for not buying her stuff”.
Another gold digger with a PhD at the end of her name. Parker recalled thinking he had landed the best girl when he met Virgie. They were both the same age.
Virgie was a graduate of a business school, and she was actually doing well for herself. Her case is proof that even people who are well-off can dig for gold too.
Like all gold diggers, Virgie wanted stuff all the time. And she wanted Parker to pay for them. When he refused she guilt tripped him severely until Parker gave in.
Virgie stopped working suddenly, dumping her PhD and sticking to the one where she dug Parker’s pocket.
22. They start a “collection” of your credit card rewards points.
There are levels to gold digging. Some don’t come off immediately as gold diggers. Others aim for the whole loot, some begin from the lowest stages.
In the case of this funny one from a state in the Midwest, Fern started collecting Wally’s credit card rewards points.
This was a very funny one and we have no idea how it ended for them.
23. Her favorite date night is a trip to the jewelry store.
Paris didn’t do dates at restaurants or parks or any such places. She preferred the jewelry store as her favorite spot for dates.
There was no way Oscar could sustain such a lavish lifestyle, even on his 3 million a year wage. He could as well kiss his early retirement goodbye. Paris’ affinity for jewelry stores was wild.
24. She “needs” a new car—every year.
At first, I thought this had to be a joke. Then, laughing hysterically with tears down his face, a buff Cayden told me everything.
Aurora was a stunning girl who loved hiking and reading. She had just graduated from NYU when they met.
Cayden even helped her get a job at a security firm where she started working as a data analyst.
Cayden let her use his car once they started living together. He takes the train sometimes if he has to go out. Then Cayden got Aurora a car. He proposed eight months later.
By the end of the year Cayden was going to meet her family but Aurora asked for a new car. Cayden said I just got you one. She replied, “That was for last year. I need a new car every year.”
25. She has a secret talent for calculating the resale value of his gifts.
This one is weird. Gold digger Pearlie’s fetish was calculating how much Reggie’s gifts resold for, before accepting them.
Reggie found out about this strange behavior when he would not see traces of his gifts to Pearlie in her place.
He would ask about the gifts and she would brush the inquiry off, deflecting. Until Pearlie asked for a car, and she wanted a Porsche—because the resale value remained relatively high.
Later Reggie discovered all his gifts were getting resold and Pearlie was using the funds to buy bags, clothes and cheating.
26. He started calling her salary “our” money.
This funny one is from Latin America. In a conversation Roy told Maria her salary belonged to both of them. They laughed over this, Maria dismissing the idea.
It soon dawned on her that Roy wasn’t ready to work anymore. He watched films all day and hung out with his friends.
He started borrowing from Maria regularly without paying back. When she raised her concern Roy reminded her, “Your salary is our money.”
27. Her favorite love letter is a receipt from Tiffany’s.
Gage couldn’t believe his ears that night. It was a phone conversation with his girlfriend of a week. Gage told her he writes poetry when he’s not working at his job where he earns well.
He’d written a special one and wanted to send it to her. She said, no problem, but it had to be right after she received a receipt from Tiffany’s.
28. She has a “vision board” filled with pictures of luxury items.
So at a meet with prospective girlfriend Adele, this guy named Tom got the funniest surprise of his dating life. Adele told Tom she had a vision board for his new boyfriend.
Intrigued, Tom asked to see it. Adele pulled the picture of her vision board on her phone to show him. Let’s just say even the richest guy on earth is going to think less of Adele after that.
29. She started using his credit card as a bookmark.
It happened that every time Devon looked for his credit card, he would find it in one of Jackie’s books.
And the contents of Devon’s bank account was depleting rapidly. Just before he called it quits from the relationship, he wondered why Jackie used his credit card as her bookmark.
You could say both the girl and the credit card were so attached.
30. She “accidentally” super-glued his wallet shut—again.
This one from Delhi—names withheld—was one of the weirdest ones we got. The girl kept accidentally super gluing the boyfriend’s wallet.
When the boy rips the thing open it is always empty. The girl would deny taking the money.
Afterthoughts
This article is for educational purposes only (as they always say).
There’s a thin line between being entitled to your partner’s money and gold digging. People in relation routinely give each other gifts, spend money.
It’s one of the ways love is demonstrated. Hopefully, the experiences shared here won’t prevent you from giving, but remind you not to be a gold digger.
