You’ve reached a point in your relationship where you really want to be with your partner.
Maybe this means moving in together for a while, and you might find it challenging to bring it up, especially if you think it’s a big request. Wanting to be with them could also be a way of expressing your desire for more attention.
Whatever the case actually is, communication is key. So, how do you tell your partner you want to be with them without sounding too needy and get a genuine response? In the following sections, we’ll guide you on the best ways to express yourself.
10 Ways to Tell Your Partner You Want To Be With Them
In a relationship, one of the most positive changes we can make is learning to express ourselves clearly and to truly listen to our partner. This matter is no exception.
1. Test the waters
Start by telling them you’d like them to be a part of your life.
If you want to express your feelings to your partner on this matter, it’s best to meet up in person (if it’s not a long-distance relationship) and just speak up.
Pay attention to how the situation feels, and observe their body language and facial expressions. Take it from there.
Test the waters gently and avoid putting too much pressure on them. People, especially in newer relationships, tend to back off when they feel pressured.
2. Nothing wrong is simply speaking up
Don’t be subtle. You need to talk to them directly and tell them what’s on your mind.
You might be dropping hints to subtly tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you want to be with them, but that’s only wasting your time.
If you’ve been dropping hints like, “Imagine we were staying together,” “I’d like to see your face when you wake up,” “Only God knows how late I’d wake up if we were together,” or “I had a dream we stayed together,” those suggestions won’t cut it if you’re serious.
Speaking up is the only way they’ll understand that you want to be with them. Have a direct conversation and tell them how you’ve been feeling and what you need.
Having a challenge on how to communicate it? Try these templates:
- I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship, and I realize I want to be with you all the time. Can we take the next step and move in together?
- I cherish every moment we spend together, and I’d love for us to create even more memories. Would you consider us living together?
- Being with you makes me incredibly happy, and I want to be by your side every day. How do you feel about us moving in together and starting this new chapter?
3. Lead by example
If you want your partner to see things from your perspective and understand why you need to be with them, you can lead by example.
Invite them to come be with you. Both of you should experience how it feels being together.
If you want to be cuddled more, cuddle with him on the couch. If you want him to hold your hand in public, be the one to make the first move.
This way, you show your desires and set the tone for your request.
4. Don’t second-guess your desire
If you feel you’re not getting the attention you need and being with them will strengthen the bond, don’t second-guess your desire.
Some people may receive a lot of attention but still feel insecure, while others might genuinely lack attention.
5. Don’t sound or act like their second mother
Of course, you want you both to be together, but avoid nagging them about it.
It’s even better when your partner offers that on their own. In the meantime, if you’re handling everything like laundry, cooking, and cleaning, it’s time to step back and stop taking on roles that resemble a motherly figure.
6. Use “I” statement when conveying your request
Remember the templates shared earlier? Exactly. You can use phrases like “I feel” or “I need” to express yourself.
This approach shows your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you might say, “I feel secure when we stay together.”
7. Show them you can be happy on your own
It may sound unusual but showing your partner you can be happy on your own is a powerful way to encourage them to suggest that you both be together.
If you make it seem like you can’t be happy without him or her, they may stay out of guilt rather than genuine desire.
Also, convincing someone that you both need each other can backfire, as it may lead them to treat you poorly, knowing you feel dependent.
8. As you ask, avoid assumptions
Assuming that they don’t like the idea when you’ve not told them yet can lead to misunderstandings and negative thinking.
Instead of assuming what your partner thinks or feels, ask them directly.
It is when you clarify things with questions that you can understand their true perspective on you staying with them.
9. Don’t ruminate on the past
You might have asked to be with them before, and they didn’t respond well. But things could have changed since then.
So, don’t focus on the past when you ask again.
Instead, talk about current issues to keep the conversation useful.
10. Use the BLOOM approach
The BLOOM approach is an acronym for a way to communicate when you need to ask someone for something. It’s effective for relationship matters. BLOOM stands for:
- BRANCH (as in, olive branch)
- LABEL your feeling
- OPEN up
- OWN your ask
- MAKE it specific
So how do you use these guides to craft your request to your partner about being with them? Let’s take it one after the other:
Olive branch: Just like the act of extending the proverbial olive branch to someone, this method simply means you start your conversation in a way that makes them feel acknoledged.
Label your feeling: Clearly and directly state how you feel. This approach may be more straightforward than you’re used to, but it’s crucial for clarity and understanding. Use “I” statements and avoid blaming “you” language.
- For example, you can continue with, “I want to be by your side every day, and I believe it will make our bond stronger.”
Open up: This is where you explain what’s really going on beneath the surface.
- For example, you might say, “The truth is I’ve been feeling lonely, even though we talk a lot and go on dates. Maybe you feel the same way too.”
Own your ask: Clearly state what you want or need moving forward. Be specific.
- For example, you could add, “Can we take the next step and move in together?”
Make it specific: The clearer you are about what you want or need, the better.
- For example, you can finish by saying, “I understand you might need some time to think, but being with you and coming back to my place every weekend would be great. We can talk about the details later. Let me know what you think.”
By the time you put all these together, you see you have just crafted a powerful way to ask your partner you want to be with them.
Does Asking To Be With Your Partner Make You Sound Insecure and Needy?
You know you want to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but part of you is scared you might come across as too needy. Should you even bring it up? Will it help or hurt your relationship?
In my conversation with Dr. Jessica Onodugo, a marriage coach in Lagos, she said the best way to ask to be with your partner is “by first understanding that you really don’t need anything in your life that doesn’t want to be there.”
You might worry that asking to be with them will make you sound needy and insecure, but it’s all about how you view it.
As we continue in this article, rephrase your question to “How do I tell my partner I would like them to be in my life?” That way, you see a clearer picture of your needs.
Some people say, “Never tell a guy you need him. He won’t want to hear that and may distance himself.” The same advice applies to women too.
It all comes down to how you communicate your needs. Here are some powerful tips to help you tell your partner you want to be with them.
The Bottom Line
As with other issues in a relationship, direct communication works. Always.
Just tell them how you feel. If you’re having trouble finding the right words, I hope the template in this article helps.
However, even if you’ve done all this, your partner might still not be ready to let you move in. There’s only so much you can do.
Your next step depends on the relationship and their response. If it’s a long-term relationship, moving in together shouldn’t be a big deal.
But if it’s a new relationship, hesitation is understandable. Like many things in life, it needs time.
