Building a relationship is real work and beyond a matter of joke. Apart from the preparation it involves, you will need to develop your character and eliminate the bad habits you used to have; otherwise, you will hurt your partner and you will have a hard time as well.
No one is perfect, and that is something everyone in a relationship or considering being in one should have in mind. The expectations you set for yourself and your partner should be realistic and flexible.
When you notice that you are lagging in an area, don’t hesitate to make deliberate positive changes.
In this article, we discuss 20 bad habits you should avoid in a relationship. They are valid hindrances to a healthy relationship, and you must let them go, to step into heights along with your partner. There’s a message for you as you read through this piece, so read on!
20 bad habits you have to avoid in your relationship
- Having unrealistic expectations.
- Forcing a different personality out of your partner.
- Running and quarreling in public.
- Cheating
- Always finding faults
- Constantly demeaning your partner
- Remaining unteachable
- Unforgiveness
- Being overly reserved.
- Underestimating the abilities of your partner.
- Being dishonest.
- Repeating mistakes
- Having too many secrets.
- Ingratitude
- Selfishness
- Comparison
- Not being responsible
- Always being suspicious.
- Disrespect
- Desperation
1. Having unrealistic expectations
It’s great to have expectations in a relationship, but it becomes a bad habit when the things you intend to manifest are unrealistic. It is just like expecting a seed to germinate a few hours after sowing it.
Ensure that what you expect from your partner is not practically impossible. In a way, expectations are great determinants of whether or not there will be joy and togetherness in a relationship.
And so, when you expect your partner to do seemingly unrealistic things, you will cause a lot of havoc in your relationship. You should have standards, but on the other hand, consider your partner a human.
Ensure that they are not burdened by tasks or demands that you are aware they can’t bear. Once in a while, you can reveal what you expect of them so they have a clue of how to focus their energy.
2. Forcing a different personality out of your partner
One of the fastest ways to crash your relationship and go through emotional stress along with your partner is to force a different personality out of them. Everyone is built uniquely, and trying to shut down an aspect of their personality may not end well. It is one of the many bad habits you should not exhibit in your relationship.
Forcing your partner in a relationship to change or become someone else may not go so well, especially if they have been like that all their lives or built their lifestyle on a mindset and have been running with it all along.
It is best to talk to them about something they exhibit that you are too comfortable with. If possible, give them tips on how they can get better.
3. Ranting and quarreling in public
Can you stand having a partner whose emotional display is not always on guard and who quarrels and rants in public to show their displeasure about something someone does?
This is not to say that you should bottle up your feelings when you are sad, but if you can’t stand such a partner, then don’t be one either.
It is okay to disagree with your partner in a relationship, but when it begins to get to the point of quarreling, it is best to withdraw and resolve the differences in a better way. Ranting and quarreling are bad habits to avoid in a relationship, and not to talk about in public.
It is an embarrassment to your partner and can cause their self-worth to decline. Ensure that you have a way to go over and settle offenses from your partner in a peaceful manner at home and in public. If possible, correct them in an understanding way without ranting and quarreling.
4. Cheating
It is quite conflicting to see how people say that they love someone else, but they go behind them with someone else. If you no longer feel good about your partner, Their conversations now bore you, or you just don’t feel so comfortable with them like someone else.
It is best that you let them know somehow. If you can work issues out, do it together; if you can’t, let them go instead of cheating on them.
This is because no partner wholeheartedly in a relationship wants to be cheated on. Another bad habit you should avoid is any form of cheating on your partner.
Take this seriously if you are both committed to taking your relationship further or if you are already in a marriage relationship, so you can enjoy peace and togetherness.
The habit of cheating causes conflict, and beyond that, it can bridge trust in a relationship. You can avoid this by staying true and committed to your partner. Put in efforts not to make them feel insecure as well.
5. Always finding faults
A fault-finder will always instigate problems in one way or another. This is because the other party is imperfect. If you are unaware, it is a bad habit to always see faults in someone else, even when they try to please you.
However this is not to dispute the fact that your partner has weaknesses or to say that your partner should not be corrected, Nevertheless, if you’re always picking at your partner, you may make them weaker or talk them down instead of helping them to strengthen their weakness.
Beyond their struggles, make efforts to see their strengths and good works; this will reduce the extent to which you find fault in your partner. It will aid them in growing, and excess fault finding can impede their growth.
6. Constantly demeaning your partner
No matter what people do or the mistakes they make, there is always something great about your partner.
Ensure you see it!
In the same way your partner has peculiarities and has the need to be loved, You should in no way look down on them, no matter what state they are in.
Even when they are going through hard times or difficulty in some areas, try not to make them feel less of themselves but to lend them your shoulder to lean on.
Also, correct them in a way that will allow them to express themselves subsequently. The bad habit of demeaning your partner can ruin their self-esteem and your relationship with them.
7. Remaining unteachable
No matter how much someone loves another in a relationship if they remain unteachable, the stress involved will wear the other out. Possibly at some point in your life, for one reason or another, you were unteachable. Nonetheless, you cannot afford to remain unteachable in a relationship.
This will mean that you keep making the same mistakes repeatedly, which in turn mirrors disrespect for your partner. At no point in your relationship should you stay static and unwilling to learn.
There will be so much progress if you can open your mind and be receptive to change, especially positive transformation that will make you a better person and further build your relationship.
8. Unforgiveness
If you are yet to be in a relationship and you can’t forgive, you shouldn’t make that move yet. And if you are already in a relationship and it is always difficult for you to forgive, if you don’t have intentions to change, then you should let your partner go.
Forgiveness is at different levels. Some situations demand that you forgive and no longer remain intimate with the other party. Another may involve forgiving and restoring the relationship. Whatever the case may be, free yourself from the bond of unforgiveness.
It is a bad habit to hold on to your partner’s mistakes all the time. This is because there are times when the things you may get upset with your partner about may simply be misunderstandings.
Give your partner space to be themselves and be ready to embrace them when they may not be correct, so long as it is not intentional and they are teachable. Holding on to your partner’s wrongs will limit your view of them and always cause tension, especially on your end towards them.
9. Being overly reserved
Communication is at the core of any relationship, including yours. To be overly reserved is to your disadvantage. You have to let your partner know where they have hurt you; otherwise, they will keep doing it with the thought that you are comfortable.
Being able to express yourself helps your partner understand you better and fosters togetherness. Always keep in mind that they cannot read your thoughts unless you spill them out to them.
When you learn to share things with your partner, you create more room for progress in your relationship. There will be no hidden box of offences as well, but the opposite happens when you display the habit of being overly reserved.
10. Underestimating the abilities of your partner
Everyone has this awe-amazing possibility hidden in them, including your partner, and possibly that drew you to them. Ultimately, your role in their lives might have just started. It is your responsibility to spot what they are good at and assist them in making it a flame.
Not minding the weaknesses of your partner, when you see them, what should be imprinted in your mind should be the areas they are flourishing in. When you underestimate their abilities, their potential is hidden from the limelight, and they tend to shy away into obscurity.
One of the greatest disservices you can do to your partner in a relationship is to see them as less than their capabilities. Even when they see impossibilities, speak about the robust abilities inherent in them.
11. Being dishonest
Dishonesty is an obvious ‘no no’ for anyone who wants a working relationship. A truthful and open person will always have a special place in their partner’s heart, especially if they are alike. At all times, the bad habit of being dishonest will always crumble your relationship.
If your partner notices that you possess the quality of being dishonest, they will hardly trust you. It may cause them to withdraw instead of putting in their all. Your partner can tell how honest you are when you put on the garment of transparency. Being honest dismisses every form of secret, hidden agendas, and plans for living a double lifestyle.
12. Repeating mistakes
It is quite abnormal to experience recurring mistakes in a relationship. It shows that you are not open to correction and that you do not value what you and your partner share with the whole of your heart.
Someone who values their partner will stay away from practicing what they don’t like. In the same vein, when you repeat some mistakes over and over again, your partner may feel taken for granted, and this can create lopsidedness in your relationship with them.
This means you ought to note and stay away from what displeases your partner, particularly the ones they have spoken to you about. Also, be open to learning constantly.
13. Having too many secrets
People change, and that could be the major reason why certain information remains a secret. When you are in a relationship with someone, especially a serious one, you should minimise having secrets.
This is in order to foster the relationship between you and your partner. Your partner may feel left out of your life if there is so much you are not telling them. If you truly want to go far with them, tell them about your past.
You can add to that the unbelievable things you have done, and if they are comfortable and can cope, they will remain with you.
Having too many secrets can break your partner’s trust in you. At this point, you need to see your partner as a confidant, someone you can speak to about almost everything, and ensure it is the same on his end.
14. Ingratitude
In every relationship, gratitude is a fountain that unlocks many other things for you. Down to the little or trivial things your partner does for you, ensure you appreciate them from your heart.
They may not do so most of the time, but simply considering the fact that your partner has shown you so much love, you should not afford to appreciate them.
Ingratitude when your partner gifts you, serve you, supports you, and recognizes you in a positive light is a habit that they may not tolerate. Even if they do, it is not advisable to relate to your partner that way.
Gratitude shows that you cherish the efforts they put in to make things work between you and them. They need that thumbs up from you, so always give it.
15. Selfishness
When one comes into a relationship with others, of any kind at all, there must be a clash somehow, somewhere.
Selfishness is a bad habit that can ruin your relationship. This is why you ought to be very selective about the people you relate to. Since you have a responsibility to put others before yourself, make sure your relationships are healthy.
Ensure that their desires are a priority in your heart. Support their vision and hold their hands to achieve what they have in mind. If everything you do in a relationship is about you, your partner may be frustrated and forced to leave you to yourself, so you need to avoid every form of selfishness.
16. Comparison
The trait of comparing your partner to someone else is not just a bad habit; it is born from other bad habits, including discontentment, jealousy, and the quality of not being able to see the uniqueness of your partner.
This quality of dissatisfaction can put pressure on your partner to do things they should not do because you want them to mirror someone else. You can give them clues on how to improve in certain areas of their lives, but don’t place them side-by-side with someone else to the extent that you tarnish their authentic selves.
Let your partner shine unashamedly and without reservations by eliminating comparing them to anyone else at any point, intentionally or not.
17. Not being responsible
It is so inconsiderate to have a partner who is not responsible. It means a lot, especially that the other party should be ready to blame games, directly or indirectly.
It is unacceptable to be irresponsible in a relationship. This boils down to every aspect. Don’t always push the blame on someone else and then ascribe the praise to yourself.
So long as you have decided to partner with someone, you can choose not to overload your partner with so many responsibilities, so take yours when it comes knocking at your door. Think about and consider in what aspect you have gone wrong, and take responsibility for it.
18. Always being suspicious
Insecurity expresses itself in many ways, including always being suspicious.
If you have trust issues, it’s best to work on them before going into a relationship; otherwise, they may cause havoc in your relationship. This bad habit will make you almost always police your partner; check their phones for awkward chats.
It will create tension between you and your partner, and it may be difficult to trace the cause of the issue if it is not well tackled. If you are always suspicious because you see someone of the opposite gender around him, talk to him about it.
Make sure that your actions are not based on hearsay. Avoid every form of suspicion, as we do. Learn to forget and trust your partner if they confess to you that they were involved with someone, and learn to trust them again if you think they deserve another chance.
19. Disrespect
No one, at any cost, deserves to be disrespected. The same goes for your partner, and so every form of disregard you show them poses danger to your relationship.
When it becomes a habit, it shows that you may likely not change, and when their patience elapses, they may not accept going further with you.
Practice courtesy with your partner. Learn their values and uphold them; make them feel valued. This will make your friends and people around both of you hold them in high esteem. Replace disregard with love for your partner, and respect will naturally flow from you to them.
20. Desperation
You may get a lot of promises from your partner to either change, get better, or improve in a peculiar situation that you are surrounded by. At this point, ensure that you embrace them with understanding and patience.
Give your partner some time to work on themselves, especially if you see a positive change. Be patient with your partner, even if you expect them to act or do things in a specific manner.
Desperation to make some decisions may cause tension and complicate issues between you and your partner. So, give it time. Change may not come in a day. Simply bank on their commitment and efforts to make things right.
A few things to do instead:
- Meet your expectations. Don’t overestimate or put unhealthy pressure on your partner.
- Put your partner first. So long as you are in a healthy relationship, put your partner first and make them feel comfortable with and around you. Do your best to contribute to their happiness.
- Forgive your partner easily. There will be so much progress if you can forgive your partner easily, because there are tendencies that your partner will intentionally and unintentionally hurt you.
- Learn to know the needs of your partner and assist them in that aspect.
- Regard your partner and highly regard them, for everyone deserves to be loved and cared for.
In Closing
After reading through this article, I am sure that you will put in effort to have a fulfilling relationship. This should prompt you to avoid the traits mentioned in this article and beyond since they will ruin all you have built and intend to build.
Nonetheless, if you have noticed any of these bad habits in your life, you can intentionally work on eliminating them, and you will experience a healthy relationship. Cheers!
