You’ve been thinking about your relationship and wondering if it’s going anywhere serious. You can’t quite put your finger on what’s wrong, but you just feel like something isn’t right, and that’s making you curious.
Talking honestly with your partner might help clear the air. A survey from the Epidemiology and Health Journal found that communication is a key part of a happy and satisfying relationship.
With that in mind, there are some clear signs to watch for to see if your partner is playing games or just wasting your time. In this article, we’ll go over the top 10 signs.
10 Signs Your Relationship is a Joke
Everyone wants to be liked. So, whether your relationship is new or has been going on for years, it’s normal to hesitate to admit you see signs of a fake relationship.
But if you’re seriously thinking about it now, watch for these signs:
1. You don’t spend much time together and he/she seems cool with it
If you notice that you’re seeing each other less often without any obvious reason, like family issues or extra work responsibilities, your relationship might not be as serious as you think.
It becomes especially worrisome when they seem unfazed about it. Someone who loves you will embrace every opportunity to be with you.
Have you noticed if your partner even feels relieved when you’re apart? That’s a real sign.
Even if unavoidable situations prevent them from spending time with you, it might make you feel like you’re being played.
A small study from 2021 found that spending quality time with your partner—whether just talking or doing activities together—can help you:
- Feel more satisfied in the relationship
- Notice more positive aspects of your relationship
- Feel closer to your partner
But if it gets to a point where your partner starts making excuses to avoid spending time together, then that’s a glaring sign that you’re being punked.
2. The relationship feels unequal
Genuine and healthy relationships usually have a good balance.
“It is important for each person within the marital union to contribute to some extent to the financial well-being of the home,” says Juliet Okene, certified life coach and relationship counselor.
Apart from finance, balance also applies to less tangible things like affection, communication, and expectations.
It’s normal for imbalances to occur now and then—one of you might lose your job, be too sick to help with chores, or feel less affectionate due to stress.
But if your relationship constantly feels out of balance, that could be a sign that one person is simply freeloading the other.
If you find yourself always bending backward to please your partner and they don’t reciprocate in the willingness to make compromises or sacrifices, it is another clear sign that you’re being used in that relationship.
3. You’re afraid of expressing disagreement
Partners should feel free to share their opinions, even if they disagree.
If your partner dismisses or is rude about your different views, it often means they don’t respect your thoughts. And that’s simply a sign that they don’t rate you.
If you’re constantly holding back what you say because you’re afraid of their reaction, it might be time to seek help and start thinking twice about the relationship.
This problem often goes along with feeling like you’re not being heard.
Maybe your partner seems uninterested when you talk about problems or important issues, or you struggle to speak up because you fear they’ll just ignore you.
Misunderstandings can happen, but if you discuss something and they seem to listen but don’t make any changes or forget what was said the next day, that’s a warning sign.
4. You find them enjoying time without you (and vice versa)
In a genuine relationship or marriage, “Quality time is intentional, proactive, and based on the needs and desires of each person,” says Nicholas Hardy, Ph.D., LCSW, couple therapist. “This does not happen automatically once you say ‘I do.”
When you’re truly in love, you enjoy spending time with your partner. But if hanging out together starts to feel like a chore or obligation, it could be a sign that the relationship is a joke.
Interestingly, this behavior could be from you or your partner. It’s simply a sign that one or both of you are falling out of love.
To be sure about this, pay attention to some key aspects. For example:
- Hoping they’ll be too busy to see you
- Missing your single life
- Preferring to hang out with friends instead
- Deliberately working late when you don’t need to
- Pretending to be sick to avoid seeing them
- Enjoying being alone more than being with them
If you were really in love, you’d want to be with your partner.
Wanting more time apart can mean their feelings have changed and they are starting to think life without you might be better.
5. Reduced intimacy, emotionally and physically
For a relationship to thrive, there needs to be emotional intimacy that leads to physical intimacy.
If you sense that your partner is losing interest in the close, intimate connection you once had, then that is no longer a normal love relationship.
As the research indicates, once the emotional bond weakens, the physical connection usually fades away too.
How will someone claim to love you and not show that by action, offering emotional support? Also, are they feeling hesitant or ashamed to even hold your hand in public? These are signs you can’t and shouldn’t ignore.
6. The lies just keep stacking
When your partner keeps lying, gaslighting, and being dishonest day after day, it’s clear that the relationship is shaky and they might be wasting your time.
Spotting consistent lies isn’t too difficult.
Kate Shelor, a pleasure coach and hypnotherapist in Las Vagas, points out that liars often avoid eye contact or look away a lot.
In her YouTube video, she explains that “liars might also change their stories over time because they have trouble keeping track of their lies. This can lead to contradictions or details that don’t add up.”
If your partner is consistently dishonest—whether lying about you to others, sharing your private information, cheating, or being disloyal—it’s a big red flag.
7. Guilting-tripping
Guilting is another sign that your relationship might be a joke and that you might be getting manipulated.
This type of manipulation makes you feel responsible for your partner’s actions. They can pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do by claiming it will hurt their feelings or even threatening to harm themselves if you refuse.
In many cases, we see that this behavior goes hand in hand with belittling.
This means they can try to make you feel bad about yourself with comments or actions that make you uncomfortable.
Your partner may downplay it as a joke or suggest you’re overreacting, making you doubt your own decisions and feel insecure.
When this happens, it’s a sign that you’re not in a genuine relationship.
8. You’re always the one initiating things
One major sign of a fake relationship is one-sided affection.
If you’re always the one starting conversations, planning dates, and reaching out through texts, you’re probably dealing with a fake relationship and she is tricking you into thinking they genuinely love you. They don’t.
In one-sided relationships, one person ends up doing all the work—arranging trips, picking up food, checking in after a few days, and even initiating intimacy.
It can feel like the relationship would fall apart if you stopped putting in the effort. When you bring this up, your partner might give excuses or act clueless.
They might agree to change but quickly slip back into their old habits. This behavior can make you feel like they’re either taking advantage of you or don’t care about the relationship’s future.
That, in itself, is a glaring sign that you’re being punked.
9. They pretend to other people that everything’s lovey-dovey
Does your partner act completely differently in social situations? Do they send you overly sweet, fake love texts when they know your friends are around? Do they treat you like a trophy in public but seem uninterested when you’re alone?
If your answer to these questions is Yes, then it means you’re dealing with fake love.
In most cases we’ve seen, the partner would also be fond of posting lots of lovey-dovey selfies before a big date or anniversary. They’d expect you to show off gifts online.
They are more focused on appearances than on actually building a life with you.
With this in mind, it’s no real surprise that studies have shown social media obsession can lead to depression and lower relationship satisfaction.
10. Deep down, you know you can’t rely on them
Finally, deep down in your heart, you know that when push comes to shove, it’s supposed to be about love. But you really can’t rely on them…or trust them with your life.
That’s a sign from your instinct that you’re not making real love with this person.
If your partner is just pretending to love you, they won’t put much effort into maintaining the relationship. This means you won’t be able to rely on them or trust them.
Still in Doubt? Take our ‘8Q Test’!
After reviewing the ten signs that your relationship might not be serious, you might find things even more confusing.
This is because every relationship is unique, and it’s hard to apply the same standard to all of them.
However, if you want to check if your relationship is healthy, there are a few questions you can ask yourself.
At HeartMush, we call this the “8Q Test.” It includes eight questions that can help you see things more clearly, especially if emotions are clouding your judgment.
Approach these questions with a mind that’s open so you can respond honestly:
- Does my partner support my personal growth?
- Do I accept them as they are?
- Do we give and take equally in our relationship?
- Is my life better with them in it?
- Does our time together feel meaningful?
- Do we have shared goals for the future?
- Do we want the same type of relationship?
- Can I be myself around them?
What Your Answers Mean
- If you answered “Yes” to six or more of these questions, your relationship is probably a healthy one.
- If you answered “Yes” to three to five questions, it means one person is putting in more effort than the other, and the relationship is going through a tough time. You need to be more honest with yourself.
- If you answered “Yes” to two, one, or none of these questions, there may be compatibility issues, and it’s best to reconsider moving forward with the relationship.
Again, relationships are dynamic and there are a lot of factors to consider before saying it’s a healthy or unserious one.
However, many of our readers have taken this test and found it helpful. The positive feedback tells us that this self-reflection test works.
Wrapping Up
Remember, every beautiful relationship can have its ups and downs. It’s normal to sometimes feel like you’re being played or something is missing.
But when those red flags are waving in your face, it’s hard to pretend they’re not there.
With the ten signs we’ve covered in this article, I hope you now have a better idea of where your relationship stands — whether to work on fixing things or just call it quits and move on.
